If I Were Made Of Bacon

Haku is adorable. And Samantha Irby’s book is HILARIOUS, FYI! I would love to be friends with her. The kind of friends who text or DM because neither of us want to get out into the world. Or put pants on. Or have to worry about awkward pooping in public places. Look at Haku. He …

Instagram: Bringing You Back Alley Treasures Since 2020

Hi. I’ve missed having fun stuff to share with you when everything feels heavy. Including me. But today something fun happened that made me laugh and I want to share it with you. I’m surprised my best friend sent this- he’s a little more on the reserved side. Sometimes I wonder how our friendship has …

Dreams From Way Too Early The Other Morning: April 13th

1. A vampire bit my right arm. After bonking it on the head, it scurried off (someone has been watching too much True Blood this coronatine). …this led to an early morning existential crisis/anxiety meltdown as I was doing my best to get back to sleep. Worst part: the vampire didn’t even try to get …

Spiders Make Terrible Interior Decorators

I kind of feel bad for demolishing all of their hard work, but they should ask before assuming it’s okay for them to start putting cobwebs anywhere they want all willy nilly. MAYBE YOU’D HAVE MORE OF A SAY IF YOU HELPED PAY THE BILLS, SPIDERS! Or if you could write words in your web …

We’re About To See Just How Green My Green Thumb Is

Before I get started on the actual topic of today’s post (a big box of jungle love from Houston), I made an important decision: I’m going to talk to my health care provider about anti-depressant meds. …but that’s only going to happen when COVID fucks off or when I absolutely have to go in for …

Realistic Dating Expectations For Those With Mental lllness

Disclaimer: I am not a professional of any kind- this is only food for thought because I feel I need to shout my opinions into the internet like everyone else. All I am offering is a different perspective and to maybe help you kill a few moments of your time. Relationship advice is everywhere. I …

Do Extroverts Haunt People When They Die?

I have one existential crisis a week (roughly). With the pandemic raging around us, I’m currently averaging two. I like to think I’m handling my fragile mortality pretty well, all things considered. Do you know the best way to clear a group chat? Tell your family when you die that you want them to cut …

I WIN BECAUSE I HAVE ALL OF THE SEEDS!

Winter had to get one last hoorah in before Spring sits on the throne. What a fucking dick! We’ve had great weather here lately. Sure, it’s kind of windy, but it’s Kansas. I’ll take a windy 70 degree day anytime. As you are well aware (if you religiously read my blog), I love plants. They’re …

It’s Always Fun To Smite The Ones We Love

…I just found the most beautiful thing. THE BLOGGESS IS SELLING PILLOWCASES WITH HER TAXIDERMY RACCOON ON IT! You can click here to see for yourself. I enjoy trash pandas. I think they’re absolutely fucking adorable. You know who hates them with a passion? My gentleman caller. It has something to do with an “alleged” …

Saffron Is More Expensive Than Cocaine

Or at least it was back in 2018. Last week, my traveling nurse friend, Drew (the one I spent a weekend in KC with a while back), texted me a picture of the beef stroganoff he had made for dinner. Which launched into a conversation about cooking in general. And how Drew has never fed …