BDSM Bugs

If you are easily offended or of a delicate nature, abort reading this post immediately. This requires an incredibly odd sense of humor and a fair helping of morbid curiosity. So what I’m saying is Mom, if you’re still reading this, it’s on you- my hands are clean. I thought I was going to have […]

Now That’s Small Town Customer Service

I was originally going to post this last night but started getting tired. Then this morning, Josh messaged me and I had to share that blip of conversation. BUT I’M ALLOWED TO FUCK UP MY POST TIMELINE! All that matters is you get a story. Yesterday morning started out on a high note. Plenty of […]

Home is Where You Set Trash On the Counter

UGHHHHHH! We are currently having technical difficulties, probably because Dad is trying to talk to me from the couch as I sit on my bed. And I can’t seem to get this post set up quite right. I had a rough (mental) outline- start with how I used to, and still sometimes do, struggle with […]

Corona Crossing, Self Medicating With Caffeine, and Now We Have a Mailbox Big Enough To Hold a Baby (Maybe Two)

Please do not deposit any unwanted babies into our mailbox. There’s a reason I opted for a hysterectomy almost five years ago and have yet to regret it. I was working this morning from my bed, as I currently do M-F. I could hear Dad tromping in from the great outdoors, stop at the area […]

If I Were Made Of Bacon

Haku is adorable. And Samantha Irby’s book is HILARIOUS, FYI! I would love to be friends with her. The kind of friends who text or DM because neither of us want to get out into the world. Or put pants on. Or have to worry about awkward pooping in public places. Look at Haku. He […]

Instagram: Bringing You Back Alley Treasures Since 2020

Hi. I’ve missed having fun stuff to share with you when everything feels heavy. Including me. But today something fun happened that made me laugh and I want to share it with you. I’m surprised my best friend sent this- he’s a little more on the reserved side. Sometimes I wonder how our friendship has […]

Dreams From Way Too Early The Other Morning: April 13th

1. A vampire bit my right arm. After bonking it on the head, it scurried off (someone has been watching too much True Blood this coronatine). …this led to an early morning existential crisis/anxiety meltdown as I was doing my best to get back to sleep. Worst part: the vampire didn’t even try to get […]

Spiders Make Terrible Interior Decorators

I kind of feel bad for demolishing all of their hard work, but they should ask before assuming it’s okay for them to start putting cobwebs anywhere they want all willy nilly. MAYBE YOU’D HAVE MORE OF A SAY IF YOU HELPED PAY THE BILLS, SPIDERS! Or if you could write words in your web […]

We’re About To See Just How Green My Green Thumb Is

Before I get started on the actual topic of today’s post (a big box of jungle love from Houston), I made an important decision: I’m going to talk to my health care provider about anti-depressant meds. …but that’s only going to happen when COVID fucks off or when I absolutely have to go in for […]