Wintering

This book hit me. Hard.

As a human who both loves cycles (the ebb and flow, beginning and ending), and is a human who has depression and anxiety, how could it not resonate?

Not to mention how beautifully written it is.

I’ve been having conversations lately-ish about how we don’t listen to our bodies. We put the things we “have to do” first. We don’t check in with what we truly need.

…we focus on the should and ignore what our body and spirit are trying to tell us.

It’s something on my to-work-on list. Learning to listen and say no or cancel plans (I do my best to not make very many because I never know how I’ll feel on a set day).

Fall and cooler weather are here. So is SAD. Which makes things a little tricky.

But right now, when I listen to what I need, it’s peace. It’s quiet. It’s about not making plans (unless necessary) and letting the days unfold as they will.

It’s about me being present in the moment. Less time in the online world and more in the physical.

It looks like me filling the role of lunch lady to the birbs each morning. Learning their different species and songs. Tending to my now 10 jumping spiders and many houseplants. It’s listening to spiritual podcasts in the mornings as I work because that’s what I am hungry for. Bettering my relationship with my son.

But I also need to acknowledge this is the season where my spoons are a little lower. So this means the few phone calls I take, or make, are even fewer. Staying home rather than visit anyone. Read. Spend time on gravel roads rather than interact with groups of people.

Turning inward. Working on spiritual and personal goals.

Therapy has been an eye opener in lots of ways. How, like everyone else, I get into victim mode/mentality. I sit in things too long. Stir my own pot.

How I have the gift of taking things that make me uncomfortable to dramatic heights. Essentially because I don’t want to deal with it because of how it makes me feel.

Through all of these things, I understand what Ram Dass meant when he said we’re all just walking each other home.

And along the way, we gain knowledge, find teachers, to help us on the journey.

I asked my therapist if humans truly ever master anything. Frankly, I don’t think I will ever feel like anything other than a student. And that’s alright- I enjoy learning.

She told me the goal is to master oneself.

As we had our last session, I remembered how I would pull cards from my oracle deck years back. And I would often pull one that said the teacher would come when the student is ready.

As my therapist was talking, it hit me that she is the teacher I need right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never thought she is anything less than incredibly qualified and great at her job.

But something really clicked this time.

Like some sort of last link in this chain of trust/connection/I can absolutely talk to you about all of these things fell into place.

So I’m even more excited about what I am going to learn.

But also excited about taking on a wintering of my own right now. Doing things differently this season. Turning inward without guilt or apologies. Listening more. And feeding my soul.

…also my stomach. Which is reminding me I haven’t eaten anything this morning and we have leftover veggie pizza in the fridge.

So I am going to go take care of that and let the rest of this Lazy Sunday unfold as it will.

More posts to come.

Published by amberalice

Mother of spoods. Birb lunch lady.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: