Long Walks With Alpacas

Thursday. Day 2 of 5 that I am off of work.

And it is AMAZING!

I didn’t realize how badly I needed a break. However, I will be coming back to a pile of work. Potentially an entire mountain range of it. But that is a problem for future Amber.

Here in the moment Amber is sitting comfortably under the covers, in her bed, enjoying the silence as she sips her tea. Trying to think of a good way to combine two topics she is wanting to cover: the importance of taking your meds and convincing my future landlord to let me have a rescue alpaca in a year or two.

I don’t think there is a good way, so let’s dive into the important lesson I learned this past week. THEN WE WILL VENTURE INTO ALPACAS.

Sweet faced, soft alpacas.

I just had déjà vu typing that! I’ll take it as a good sign.

Meds. I was feeling better. Because that’s what meds do. THEY MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

But I am that person who would rather take something from nature- not big pharma.

You see where this is going.

I tried this supplement and it seemed to keep me mellow enough. But somewhere along the way, I started feeling not so great. Like I used to pre-meds.

Those of you with anxiety are probably familiar with it- the brain racing. Rapid thoughts. Telling yourself all of these stories that you know aren’t true, aka, someone is mad at you for this or that. Staying in heightened fight or flight mode that is incredibly exhausting.

MOOD SWINGS. Ugh. The emotional rollercoaster that makes you feel crazy.

That was the point where I knew I needed to start taking my anxiety meds again. AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A NORMALLY FUNCTIONING HUMAN BEING!

Sweet, sweet relief.


We all know by now that I am moving to a farm. Into what I call the real world. Where the pipes freeze in winter and you often lose electricity.

Gravel all around and nature for days.

And I want to breathe life back into it.

However, I am limited because this is not mine mine. I am merely a caretaker, if you will. I am not the one paying the property tax.

I can’t help but want to fill it with animals, thought. Particularly rescue animals.

Idk what it is lately, but I have been wanting to spread some love around by adopting more creatures. Maybe it’s because there’s a creator on TikTok with a farm full of super cute floofs. Maybe it’s because I watch a ton of adorable animal videos.

Or maybe I want some companionship. I mean, I do have Erlene. Who I love a ridiculous amount, even though she wants nothing to do with me…besides cast a judging glance my way every now and then.

But I need snuggles.

Indoor animals are a no go, which I understand. I’m sure I can have some as long as they stay in their own little homes, like Erlene. And I am not opposed to more jumping spoods because come on, HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR ADORABLE FACES?!

Erlene. The most beautiful spood known to creation.

But tortoises are a no go. Chameleons are also harder to care for. I don’t want anything aquatic because water changes.

Plus this is a farm. WITH A BARN AND A PEN FOR ANIMALS!

So yesterday, on my drive to get my oil changed, I started thinking of acceptable animals to adopt. Ones that you have to keep outside.

No goats, which is okay with me. They freak me out and are nothing but hungry chaos.

Pigs are big, they love to root,…and hot pig poop in summer is not what I want to smell when I open my windows to enjoy a good breeze.

A cow would eat more than my teenage son.

I would never pass up the chance to pet and love a sheep, but I don’t think I’d want to adopt one.

Horses are beautiful but also large.

Chickens are a no because coyotes. Poop everywhere. And after seeing one eat a mouse via YouTube, I have never been the same.

Llamas are sassy. And frankly, I get enough daily judgement from my work gay and spider.




But when asked what I enjoy, I want to be able to respond, “I enjoy long walks down my driveway with my alpaca” (except the gravel may hurt its poor little feet, so we may just stay in the grass).

And, true to form, I would then show whoever asked said question a picture of me, with my most beloved alpaca, wearing a hat to keep the sun out of their eyes on our outing(s).

WE COULD WALK DOWN AND GET THE MAIL TOGETHER EVERY MORNING! Just thinking about it warms my heart.

Of course I would be responsible and research the hell out of caring for a most beautiful creature. While I am not a fan of caretaking, I have a soft spot for pretty much anything that isn’t human.

It’s not personal. It’s the forest witch in me.

If, after researching and checking my budget, I could properly care for an alpaca, I will present my case to the landlord.

These are my following arguments:

It isn’t a goat.

Alpacas are cute.


I feel like these are all incredibly valid points that would seal my case. If I absolutely had to, I could throw down the gauntlet and play the “I need a therapy animal” card.

I did ask the landlord’s wife what she thought my chances were of being able to adopt a rescue alpaca and keep it on the farm.

Her response was, and I quote,“A snowballs chance n hell???? You can always ask”.


So maybe, MAYBEEEEEEEE, my dream of long walks with an alpaca could happen.

…I wonder if they like picnics?!

More posts to come!

Published by amberalice

I’m not sure how to summarize myself properly (I struggle with simply being human). But let’s give it a try! Spiritual witchy hippie who dreams of three day weekends and human rights for all. Lunch lady to the neighborhood birbs (white breasted nut hatches are the best!). Adore my jumping spiders. Oh, there are also 50 or so plants we share our home with. And some rogue lady bugs. It’s always interesting to see where they show up. Like on toilet paper. This is where I add a heavy dash of queer, neurodivergency, and vegetarianism. Am big on hugs- I give them most generously.

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