Leveling Up To Forest Witch

Are you one of the lucky individuals existing in the world that do not manage anxiety, and are curious about what anxiety can be like?

I envy you.

But to satisfy your curiosity, let me share this perfect example of what can happen when anxiety takes over.

Super great and wonderful news– I am moving soonish. Into nature. AWAY FROM HUMANS. I can frolic and dance in my underwear whenever I so choose. I will make animal friends and love them.

The bad news– I was up late last night, as in around 1am-1:30am, thinking about the following things regarding this most joyous move:

Idk how to work a propane tank. It’s going to explode and kill me. Like opening a can of biscuits, but it’s 25,000x worse. I will be charred, fleshy chunks strewn across the grass and god knows what other surfaces.

Probably the house, assuming it was still standing. And all the charred pieces of me would leave stains.

Finances. Even though I have ran the numbers NUMEROUS times.

I don’t know how to change a tire. What do you do if you’re parked at an angle, or idk, ON A HILL, and your tire is totally flat?! Because you don’t want to ruin the rim.

You also don’t want your car to roll down the hill, either. Or roll over and crush you. Or do whatever cars do when poor flat changing decisions are made.

How would I get snakes out of my house? Would I bird it by using a towel to be able to catch it/not get bitten/ease it into a container to release it far, far away? Do I need to keep a critter catcher (aka 5 gallon bucket with lid) in the utility room?!


How does anyone keep a two story house clean?! I feel like this is an unrealistic goal.

Oh god, if I use sticky traps, a mouse or snake could get stuck. Then I’d have to murder it so it doesn’t slowly starve to death.

Or worse, a sweet jumping spider ☹️

When the time comes and I have fully leveled up to forest witch, will I handle the isolation as well as I think I will? Or am I going to yearn for the days where I was frustrated by never ending human interactions that I did not want to be involved in?

This is why I couldn’t sleep- my brain wouldn’t stop flooding me with all of these mostly probable scenarios.

However, my worries were crushed with a phone call this morning. Well, most of them. The sticky traps will keep me up at night because my mother put an emphasis on how I need ALL THE STICKY TRAPS.

I don’t want to be a murderer.

Oh. I also asked about mowing the yard. I have no mower. And I wasn’t sure if that was something the landlord was managing or a job left for me.

…it’s all me because the teenager is insanely allergic to poison ivy.

I suggested goats as an alternative. This suggestion was met with a hard and fast, “No”.

Absolutely no wiggle room for negotiation.

More posts to come.

Published by amberalice

I’m not sure how to summarize myself properly (I struggle with simply being human). But let’s give it a try! Spiritual witchy hippie who dreams of three day weekends and human rights for all. Lunch lady to the neighborhood birbs (white breasted nut hatches are the best!). Adore my jumping spiders. Oh, there are also 50 or so plants we share our home with. And some rogue lady bugs. It’s always interesting to see where they show up. Like on toilet paper. This is where I add a heavy dash of queer, neurodivergency, and vegetarianism. Am big on hugs- I give them most generously.

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