Happy February 13th, 2021. It is Saturday and feels like -4 out.
No thank you.
The next few days aren’t looking any better, which means the potential for cabin fever is high.
Thankfully, I have plenty of knitting projects in the works– Katie’s scarf that should have been done forever ago (I appreciate your patience!), Logan’s hat, my cardigan I started last year but ugh sleeves, and a cat sweater.
Oh, and then these came today via the mail:
Between the projects, all the yarn, a too tall stack of books waiting to be read (lord knows how many I have on my kindle), the humidifier getting its biweekly vinegar soak, and the bathtub needing a deep, angry scrubbing- I have plenty to keep me preoccupied.
And I also have this to stare at.
It gives me all the anime heart eyes.
Although I’m not ecstatic about staying inside this weekend- I would love to get out and nature, I feel much better than I did last week. So I’ve got this.
Last week was rough. It felt like I was back in 2019.
The mood swings. Anxiety. Wanting to be left completely alone but also needy. Requiring reassurance. Angry over the littlest things. Insecurity x 1,000 FOR NO REASON.
Basically feeling crazy but not knowing why I felt this way.
I haven’t stopped taking my meds, aside from the Buspar but I replaced it with L- Theanine because it helps keep me calm without the sleepiness.
I started to wonder if I needed to have my Citalopram increased. I knew I wasn’t okay, but it wasn’t until Thursday that I realized how far into the pit I had fallen.
Because Thursday was the day I woke up and felt better. Like myself again.
So what changed?!
I was talking to Janice about stomach issues earlier this past week and how research says gut health plays a role in our mental health.
…I had been taking antibiotics when my mental health took a serious beating. My last dose was this past Wednesday morning.
It made me wonder if those played a part in my mental health tanking because I’ve been doing great ever since I stopped taking them.
Mental health is such a roller coaster.
Whenever rough days happen, I run down my list of what could be causing the issue. Lack of sleep? Do I need to eat because my blood sugar is weird and making me hangry/anxious? Am I PMSing (it’s hard to tell when they’ve taken your uterus out)? Is it because I’m stressed out over something?
Have I had any caffeine?
These are all factors to consider, so I can’t just blindly accept that I am having a rough mental health day. It’s something I have to explore first to determine if a little bit of self care is all I need to get myself on track.
However, if I do go through my list and none of these apply, then I can accept where I am. Because I’m human and have my random rough days- it’s part of this whole experience of being an emotional creature.
…but I do wonder if those antibiotics were causing things to amok.
I probably should have reached out a little more than I did. Or at least given my nearest and dearests more of a heads up. However, everything is alright now.
And it is the greatest feeling in the world.
Just like the dream I had a few nights ago where I discovered a tiny, golden shelled turtle in Italy (which looked more like a tortoise but my dreams are not a house of logic). I wanted to bring him home with me, despite recalling the story of how you shouldn’t take turtles away from their homes.
But Dream Amber was selfish. And enchanted by this how well this little thief of my heart (don’t tell Erlene) could glide through the water.
He was the most beautiful.
One of the TikTok creators I follow was trying to help get me some sort of pass to bring the tiny guy home. However, as said creator was fighting for me, I tossed the turtle into a pond. I knew I would never be able to smuggle him on the flight back to the US.
Dream Amber, of course, thought of a few different scenarios but couldn’t come up with anything solid.
Then I woke up. Still heartbreakingly turtle/tortoiseless.
…there’s a good chance I will look into having a pet tortoise whenever I have my own place. Because why not, if I spend most of my time hermitting and frolicking in nature?! I’m sure it would be easier to find someone to babysit a tortoise than a spood. LIKE MY SISTER-IN-LAW WHO HAS A GRUMPY TORTOISE HERSELF!
I mean, who doesn’t love grumpy faced little tortoises?! Oh, my brother. That’s who.
…I bet he’d love Salsa (SIL’s tortoise) if he played baseball. Or wrestled. Or loved Pearl Jam.
OMG CAN WE GET SALSA A ROYALS JERSEY?!
And with that, I need to get this wrapped up so I can start looking into tortoise jerseys. This is important.
Stay warm this weekend, friends!
…more posts to come.