I have not forsaken you!
I just…haven’t been super compelled to write. I prefer to maintain a balance of honesty, humor, and real life. Lately, it’s been a struggle.
Not just for me, but for a lot of people I love. For a while, my life wasn’t full of much laughter- there have been a lot of serious things going on these past few months (many things STILL going on). The storming of the capitol. COVID continues thriving in this cocktail of ignorance, entitlement, selfishness, and blatant disregard for other human beings. And my eyes are becoming more and more open to just how strongly white supremacy reigns in this county.
I struggle to not be consumed by utter disgust and the judgement that comes from what I have seen people around me take part in this past year. What they have said. What they support.
I feel the fractures within my own family, wondering if it’s possible to heal them, move past the anger and pent up resentment.
Wondering if I even want to.
As these months pass, I pull away more and more from a society I don’t want to be part of- finding I am at a point where I feel as though this is some sort of fresh start...despite the incredibly odd timing.
Or maybe it’s not so odd.
It’s as though I have finally finished writing a book and now, catch myself writing a completely new one– without even knowing when I started.
A new beginning. A new version of myself. Viewing life through a very different lens– in doing so, I’ve realized just how little I know.
I am ignorant.
However, I do know there is gentle peace in nature. And I thrive in the silence, beauty, and honesty of it. She intrigues me with her openness, even her unbiased brutality gives me pause.
I want to learn more of the world I pushed aside in my younger years. Reclaim my interests and joys and see what becomes of them as I embrace a few new ones along the way.
This looks like learning the different species of birds, insects, and plants here in Kansas. Beginning to forage. More time getting lost in the woods. Creating my own little nature journals. Collecting, cleaning, and studying animal bones. And of course, photography.
But I will also continue to do the work needed to help support the BIPOC communities. To keep learning because white supremacy HAS TO GO.
Despite the little desire I have to spend time with people beyond my chosen few, or to continue to follow social norms of all frustrating varieties, that doesn’t mean I’m going to blatantly ignore what a mess our country is- or the fact we (we including me) have to do the work if we want to create a better world FOR EVERYONE IN IT.
And by everyone, I mean EVERYONE. Also, everything in it. Can we please start taking better care of the planet we live on while we’re working on cleaning up all these other damn messes?!
Well, this has turned into quite the little Lazy Sunday post, hasn’t it? But this is where I am. Angry, frustrated, saddened.
Uncertain, yet hopeful.
More posts to come.