This Little Light of Mine

I LOATHE winter.

I admit, there is a beauty to it. But I’d enjoy it more if I could spend it laying on a human sized heating rock- as one of my exes suggested years ago.

He was not wrong. I miss his humor- he was always good at making me laugh.

I don’t hate just the cold. And the wind driving it into your bones making a hot bath the only way to thaw yourself out. And then there’s having to drive painfully slow so you don’t end up in a ditch.

Or dead in the ditch.

But what I CANNOT STAND the most is how winter turns me into a husk of a human being- it seems to get worse each year.

HOWEVER, this year will be different! I’m a little ahead of the game, despite the fact all I wanted to do was hibernate like a bear last weekend.

I’m still taking my 20mg of Citalopram every night. And my anxiety meds. Plus a vegan omega 3. And 5,000mg of Vitamin D3.

But I can already feel SAD scratching at my door.

And it is not trying to sell me cookies.

I admit, even with medication, it felt as though I was slowly wilting the past few weeks. Although part of it is due to COVID and spending a lot of my time at home because I’d like to avoid the plague.

As I was struggling to wake up Monday morning (my poor work gay heard all about it), I knew I needed a plan of attack for me to keep my head above water until spring comes.

But I had to get my wool blanket out from storage before I could craft my master plan. Sleepy Amber was cold (I’m always colder when I’m tired. I found out one of my friends is that way, too! I feel like we should start a club and have our own blanket badges).

…it was 73 in my room. In my defense, the ceiling fan was on. If my math is correct, that made it 45 degrees in here.

Now that I was cloaked in my cardigan and the rest of me well hidden under two blankets, I could proceed with my winter survival plan.

1. Keep taking meds. This was just a given.

2. See your people. Safely.

3. Go see nature when it’s not stupid cold.


Next was execution.

Seeings how I was on the clock, I couldn’t just up and go on a hike. Or to visit a friend. I had already taken my meds, though.

So on my break, I ended up charging a Circadian Optics Lumos Lamp to my credit card that I’ve slowly been paying off.

Counterproductive? Absolutely. But I’m all about keeping my mental health in check because I enjoy being a functional and (overall) happy human.

Pros and cons.

I was trying to text my friend, Lauren, about it but autocorrect happened…as it always does when I’m trying to message her.

Although I DO love bread.

As you can see, my lumos is, in fact, NOT a skinny baguette.

…this is HUGE! I’m not complaining- just surprised. I should have read the specs but I take my father’s approach to shopping: buy it now and figure out where to put it later.

I made it work. It definitely helps that there is more height than width.

I’ve been using my lamp for 5 days now- on low and for an hour each morning. Am I feeling better? I seem to be! I definitely don’t feel as moody and melancholy.

And by moody and melancholy, I really mean the sensation of my soul slowly dying has lessened.

…that was a sentence.

I’m going to keep using this grow light to see how it does long term; however, I think it will continue to prove itself a wise investment.

Like my boujee shampoo and conditioner from Target.

More posts to come.

Published by amberalice

I’m not sure how to summarize myself properly (I struggle with simply being human). But let’s give it a try! Spiritual witchy hippie who dreams of three day weekends and human rights for all. Lunch lady to the neighborhood birbs (white breasted nut hatches are the best!). Adore my jumping spiders. Oh, there are also 50 or so plants we share our home with. And some rogue lady bugs. It’s always interesting to see where they show up. Like on toilet paper. This is where I add a heavy dash of queer, neurodivergency, and vegetarianism. Am big on hugs- I give them most generously.

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