Fill Your Holes

This evening, I’ve been thinking about what holes I have been trying to fill these past few months.

Sure, it’s nice to have fun stuff. Things that make your space feel beautiful, feel like “you” (…that’s a whole other blog post I will probably never delve into because it’s a very deep rabbit hole. And we all know I am not the best at staying on topic).

But let’s be honest: yes, there have been things I’ve purchased lately I do need; however, window shopping and buying cute little knick knacks is simply a quick fix- a distraction from the underlying issue.

I am not at peace with myself.

This being said, I am working to pinpoint what I need to work on, such as my physical health. My ex/longtime best friend, John, has graciously agreed to help train me- he used to be a physical trainer years ago.

I bet the ladies were all over him, running their fingers through his long, black hair.

I mean, the NY drag queens we met certainly liked him!

...I’m sure I’m going to get an “Amber!” text once he reads this but it will be worth it. He has me starting out slowly with burpees, so I feel like we’re even.

I definitely need to keep meditating. I am pretty good about doing it three days a week. Oh, eating better- also on the agenda. Having four cookies for breakfast isn’t going to help me fit back into my favorite pair of black jeans.

…but they’re so good and my sister baked them for me for my birthday!

I had to freeze two bags of them. I will not divulge how long the smallest bag lasted (we’re all allowed to have our secrets).

I’d like to say I have no shame but this is how I currently have to wear my jeans if I want them to at least sort of fit. My work pants- HA! Those are currently a lost cause.

Also, you’re welcome for sharing that little life hack!

I’ve decided I will live out the rest of this pandemic in maxi dresses and cardigans. I can work in them, sleep in them, drop my child off at school in them without embarrassing him- all in the same day. I also am a fan of kaftans and harem pants.

Definitely not what I thought my end of the world working from home wardrobe would consist of, but I’d like to spend my last potential days being comfortable. And warm.

Oh. Another thing I need to do for my well being is see more people. Safely, of course. We had some family time this last weekend and it was really nice. I’ve missed seeing my cousin. I mean, petting all of the animals is nice, too.

By all the animals, I mean Hemingway. The cutest, fluffiest, six toed cat.

And Millie, my other cousin’s dog. She’s a sweet little pit bull mix who thinks she’s a lap dog. Mil Mil decided we needed to snuggle in her mana’s recliner.

…let’s just say we were very, very cozy.

The moral of the story: I need to stop distracting myself and do the work necessary to be more at peace. And pet all of the animals.

More posts to come.

PS: My father used the term trash panda a few weeks ago. I died.

I also may have been yelling at it out of the truck’s passenger window to stop running down the middle of the road because dead trash pandas make Amber sad.

It probably also makes the dead raccoon sad, too.

Published by amberalice

I’m not sure how to summarize myself properly (I struggle with simply being human). But let’s give it a try! Spiritual witchy hippie who dreams of three day weekends and human rights for all. Lunch lady to the neighborhood birbs (white breasted nut hatches are the best!). Adore my jumping spiders. Oh, there are also 50 or so plants we share our home with. And some rogue lady bugs. It’s always interesting to see where they show up. Like on toilet paper. This is where I add a heavy dash of queer, neurodivergency, and vegetarianism. Am big on hugs- I give them most generously.

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