BDSM Bugs

If you are easily offended or of a delicate nature, abort reading this post immediately. This requires an incredibly odd sense of humor and a fair helping of morbid curiosity.

So what I’m saying is Mom, if you’re still reading this, it’s on you– my hands are clean.

I thought I was going to have to write a HEY I’M STILL ALIVE BUT THERE HASN’T BEEN ANYTHING GOING ON OTHER THAN A TON OF RAIN AND MOPING post; however, you are in luck tonight! I even cancelled my plans to watch Witcher again JUST TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU!

I’ve been trying to catch up on reading lately. I devoured “There Will Come A Darkness” and “Catherine House” in 3 days- it’s time to finish “Braiding Sweetgrass” and “The Hidden Lives of Trees”, though.

I opted for trees because it was right next to me and I think it has fewer pages left.

…little did I know what jewel awaited me.

I made it to the chapter about trees being vital to ecosystems- fast forward to aphids getting drunk on all the tree sugar they ingest.

This is where things take a turn.

Aphids gorge on sap and IT LITERALLY GOES RIGHT THROUGH THEM! APHIDS POOP SUGAR!

Oh, there’s more.

BUMBLEBEES WILL EAT THE POOP! …honeydew, if you prefer.

But I’m not done yet!

ANTS ALSO EAT HONEYDEW- SOMETIMES STRAIGHT FROM THE TAP! Do you know what else they do?

THEY WILL STROKE THE APHID WITH THEIR ANTENNAE TO GET THE UNPROCESSED EVEN THOUGH IT WAS RAN THROUGH AN APHID SUGAR FASTER! It suddenly became incredibly awkward.…I couldn’t help but feel I stumbled into the seedy underbelly of insect porn.

All I could picture were ants and aphids dressed in little BDSM outfits. If you were wondering, one ant had a thick mustache and cap with tiny aviator glasses while its aphid had a ball gag, although in retrospect, that wouldn’t work well for the ant to get the goods if the aphid wasn’t able to ingest the sap.

Naturally, I couldn’t keep this information to myself. IT’S TOO GOOD AND MIND BLOWING NOT TO SHARE! Nature is so much stranger than I could have ever imagined.

So of course, I text my gay and the gentleman caller these life altering facts that I’m sure they would rather not have heard. You may be on board with them right now.

I tried to warn you but you kept reading!

Josh verified that I’m a magnet for all things strange, then proceeded t0 send me this:

Thus proving my point and solidifying why the two of us are such great friends.

I’m kind of surprised that I didn’t know this was a thing, but I am not surprised that he did. Like the other day when I had a burning question about where male strippers balls go (there’s a pouch!), I texted Josh, because I knew he would have the correct answer.

…it was legitimately bothering me. I can’t imagine tucking your balls into a pouch would be all that comfortable, though. But guys make shadow puppets with their balls so I guess it can’t be that bad.

And at least they’re getting some sort of financial compensation.

So yeah, bugs in BDSM gear, glass urn vibrators, and male strippers. That’s what I have for you to start the week off- HAPPY MONDAY!

More posts to come!

Published by amberalice

Kansas Native. Knitter. Amateur photographer. Lover of love, plants, and great burritos.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: