I was originally going to post this last night but started getting tired. Then this morning, Josh messaged me and I had to share that blip of conversation. BUT I’M ALLOWED TO FUCK UP MY POST TIMELINE! All that matters is you get a story.
Yesterday morning started out on a high note. Plenty of sleep. Woke up early enough to do my Animal Crossing rounds. Tea was ready by the time I clocked in for work. Mom surprised me with my mask and a Dt. Dr. Pepper (yessssssssss!).
The music was flowing and I felt better than I had in a few days.
…and then the most minor ruffle of feathers with the kid led to me spending the next five hours crying off and on.
It’s been a rough past few months but Friday was the day I finally let it all out. The kind of letting it out where you feel angry and crazy at the same time thanks to everything rushing through your head. Fortunately, my Dt. Dr. Pepper was there to comfort me in this dire time of need.
I sometimes struggle to share the harder days. Let’s be honest- people love to laugh. Discussing mental heath, or anything deemed unpleasant in general, tends to make people uneasy.
But I started this to be open about the good and the rough stuff. Sometimes knowing other people are struggling with the same things you are makes you feel less alone. And a little less crazy.
The harder days can look like me avoiding spending time with people. Or having verbal conversations. Not leaving the house- not even for a quick scenic drive. I can also be incredibly irritable…or cry a lot.
Uncertainty is incredibly triggering for me- and there’s plenty of that going around.
But I don’t consider my day to have been awful. I found another shell. There are way more baby fish in our backyard now (it’s like having our own tank without doing any of the maintenance. I just go tell them hi and that they’re getting fat as babies should).
And Dad treated us to Mexican food.
If you are ever visiting me, we are going to eat there. Or have it delivered because I’m lazy and have social anxiety so I like to stay away from the general populous.
Yes, I know that this means I will not make new friends by avoiding people; however, who said I wanted to make any in real life?! I can’t keep up with the ones I do have! I like people but I don’t feel up for small talk these days- hence why internet friends are great! I can reply to messages when I want AND BE ABLE TO EDIT MYSELF SO I DON’T SEEM AS AWKWARD.
Thank god for texting.
So the delivery guy delivered our food. And of course it was the same kid who came last time when I looked like an ass because I couldn’t get the door open- it was locked. IN MY DEFENSE, IT’S BROKEN AND SOMETIMES WON’T OPEN EVEN WHEN IT’S UNLOCKED.
Delivery guy and I make our exchange. Dad, the child, and I grab our food, sit our asses down, and start eating. A few minutes in, we hear a noise.
Specifically, a drill.
All of us are confused because the only person who uses a drill in this house was sitting on the couch.
I had to do a double take and make sure I somehow didn’t miss my father going outside the one minute I looked down at my food.
Turns out the delivery guy noticed the piece of wood that had popped up on our porch. He took it upon himself to put some new screws in so it would settle down.
I got up, went to open the UNLOCKED DOOR to say thank you after the first screw was installed (no one else was taking initiative and I wasn’t going to have him think we were ungrateful), but it wouldn’t open (I TOLD YOU SO). So I stood there awkwardly, as I usually do when interacting with other human beings I don’t know, and told him, “Thank you”, through our busted ass door.
It was a totally random thing to do, this act of kindness or concern. Naturally, I overthought it and came up with the following scenarios:
- He could have tripped over it and almost ate it when bringing our food (one or both times) and he decided to fix it himself because he assumed it wasn’t going to get done soon- he would not have been wrong.
- He appreciated our generous tips, although I think the first one was a little more generous.
- He was not in a hurry to get back to the restaurant so he wanted to buy himself a little time.
- He realized it was a potential hazard that could end with Dad being held liable for someone getting injured, resulting in an insurance claim being filed and KT having to pay more for insurance because of a bitchy board.
- He is OCD and he couldn’t handle looking at our unruly porch anymore.
- He was just trying to be nice by helping out the elderly and a single mom.
It will forever be a mystery but now I can’t order food from there for a while because each time I’ve called, I’ve made it weird. THIS IS WHY I PREFER AS LITTLE CONTACT WITH UNKNOWN PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE.
But hey, the food was delicious and no one is going to potentially get a concussion from falling on concrete (or my irises) due to a loose board.
And Dad certainly wins because his insurance won’t be going up…well, for now.
More posts to come.
(PS: I found that loose screw from a few posts ago. IT WASN’T EVEN CLOSE TO WHERE DAD SAID IT WOULD BE! I am happy to report I spotted it before I stepped on it- my feet are forever grateful).