Dreams From Way Too Early The Other Morning: April 13th

1. A vampire bit my right arm. After bonking it on the head, it scurried off (someone has been watching too much True Blood this coronatine).

…this led to an early morning existential crisis/anxiety meltdown as I was doing my best to get back to sleep.

Worst part: the vampire didn’t even try to get all sexy with me.

2. After getting back to sleep and snuffing out my existential crisis, I dreamt I was working with built like a lumberjack who bathes in maple syrup Chris Pratt in the way too posh for Wal-Mart Pet Department.

…Wal-Mart will NEVER have a set up nearly as nice as it was in my dream. It was basically full of tall, beautifully lit, pristinely clean tanks. Like you’d need a ladder to get the fish out kind of tall, which doesn’t seem very practical but this was a dream so all bets are off.

I am sad to report I didn’t make any moves on Mr. Pratt, despite being unmarried in this dream. I seem to be losing my edge.

3. Next thing I knew, I was helping one of my former supervisors in a clinic that I’ve never been to. With a tiny baby cradled in my arms who was somehow fully capable of speaking in full sentence and yet, annoyed I wasn’t changing its diaper quickly enough. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?! I WAS TRYING TO WORK!

Oh! Also while in the clinic, my friend/high school classmate gave birth to triplets…that were actually more animal like than human in appearance. This did not phase her husband. They were both happy with their new litter- that’s all that matters.

The dream ended with bananas soaking in my sink. Thankfully, they went down the garbage disposal without any effort on my part.

…then my alarm went off.

I wish there was a way to record dreams so we could share them. I swear I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

But it makes for fairly interesting content.

More posts to come!