Before I get started on the actual topic of today’s post (a big box of jungle love from Houston), I made an important decision: I’m going to talk to my health care provider about anti-depressant meds.
…but that’s only going to happen when COVID fucks off or when I absolutely have to go in for anxiety med refills. Doesn’t really help me much now if I end up not having to make a refill appointment; however, I think it’s a step in the right direction.
I don’t like the person I am right now– I feel exactly how I did last year on unemployment. It was the worst I’ve ever been and frankly, it seems as though I’m about to tank soon.
And by tank, I mean struggle to do the most basic of things. Alternate more between bouts of irritation/anger/sadness/sobbing/numbness. Have a hard time being the rational, fun loving, good humored person I generally am after a cup of caffeine in the morning.
I want to be able to show up more for my kid. This present mindset makes me feel like an extremely shitty parent- I only have four years left with him so I want us to have a better relationship. Between puberty and my mental health the past year and a half, our mother-son relationship has taken a blow.
So yeah, more meds. Don’t even care about the stigma. Life is too short. If meds will help me have a few more extra good days, then I’ll take them.
Now that my medication update is over, let’s get to the good stuff.
I had mentioned in the sister chat (not to be confused with the cousin/sister chat) that my mental health has been shit lately. This came in the mail for me today:
It meant more to me than I can express. I don’t think people realize how much it means to receive a little something from someone letting you know that they care about you when you aren’t okay.
These also came in the mail, but I bought them so there weren’t any surprises here.
There are a lot of things that make me happy- hiking, day trips, Dad’s homemade chicken and noodles, spending time with the people I love, a good laugh, s’mores, glazed donuts, waking up without an alarm.
And then there are things I am obsessed with. Like a trash panda sitting in a heap of corn, funneling as much as it can into its mouth before someone comes along and fights it (I still love that story).
THIS WAS THE BIG BOX OF JUNGLE LOVE I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR TO FILL THE VOID IN MY LIFE AND IT IS THE MOST GLORIOUS FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON!!!!!!!!!!
TEN BEAUTIFUL PLANTS.
Jessica, my best friend in Texas, is also an obsessive plant mom. She grows shit I’m envious of- like pitcher plants. Sigh. If only we had Texas humidity. I would have pitchers of my very own.
BUT I CAN’T COMPLAIN BECAUSE SHE WAS AWESOME ENOUGH TO SEND ME ALL OF THESE BABIES FROM HER COLLECTION!
Oh, did you really think I was only going to share one picture?! YOU DON’T KNOW ME ALL THAT WELL THEN BECAUSE I’M LIKE A MOTHER OF NEWBORN MULTIPLES!
As you can see, some of these are in temporary situations. My tiny baby snake will be repotted in this nip planter I bought a few weeks ago. I decided my monstera is a disco queen, so her fabulous leafy ass is going to go into A DISCO BALL PLANTER!
I need to find two planters for the philodendrons and the pothos that isn’t a pothos. Plus a different planter for the lil pep and an actual planter for baby hoya- but these can wait.
Priority planters are for the monstera and vines.
Those guys will be joining my in my room, which is slowly turning into a rural jungle. Just how I like it. Everything feels cozier when plants are around. They’re the kind of nature I enjoy being surrounded by.
So despite waking up in a raging shit ass mood, the day has turned out to be full of great things. Reminders that I am loved. That this is all temporary.
More posts to come– but I can’t promise they won’t be plant related. TIS THE SEASON!