Antler Fingers Are For The Workplace

I argue that they are for everyday use and wouldn’t be creepy at all.

My gentleman caller disagrees, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS THE ONE WHO OFFERED TO MAKE ME REPLACEMENT FINGERS!

But I’m getting ahead of myself, so let’s back up so I can give you an edited version of how this conversation happened. And by edited, I mean I’m taking out some bits of the conversation that I think are hilarious but most people would not. Some would say it’s a lot of TMI. And idk if we’re quite there yet, readers.

It began with a hypothetical accident– me losing a finger. Me then asking my gentleman caller if he’d still want me with only 9 fingers left.

He informed me I’d actually have seven.

:/

So of course he responds with, “But I could still hold your hand”.

Then he adds, “So yeah. And if you didn’t have any I’d hold your nub”. (Is nub pc? I don’t want to be insensitive!)

Me: “That almost made me cry!”

GC: “That answer was acceptable then?”

YES!

GC: “The thing is I didn’t even have to think about it”.

Aww, right?!

NO!

Okay, yes but only for now.

I responded, “Please always hold my maybe future nub”.

GC: “I’ll build you fingers”.

Me: “Ooo! Maybe out of antlers so termites can’t eat them up”.

(Insert very nice things said between us that are not important to this post).

GC: “Anything you want my sweet”.

He’s such a smooth talker and doesn’t even know it.

Me: “…antler fingers would be colder than wood but they’d match my skin tone perfectly (because I’m pretty pale). And my hands are always cold, so they would feel the same to you”.

THIS IS WHERE THINGS START TO GO SOUTH FOR LOVER BOY.

GC: “No, I think I’d want you to feel me”.

Me: “I’d still have feet”.

AND THEN HE SAYS:

“You can wear your creepy antler fingers to work or something”.

…BUT YOU SAID YOU WOULD MAKE THEM FOR ME AND NOW THEY’RE CREEPY?!

I’m getting some serious mixed messages here. Does that mean he’d rather me caress his face with my feet?! He didn’t say no.

I’m going to need some clarification just so I know for future reference. Because it’s all about consent.

More posts to come.

Published by amberalice

Kansas Native. Knitter. Amateur photographer. Lover of love, plants, and great burritos.

Join the Conversation

1 Comment

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: