It was a rough start this past Thursday morning. I woke up at 2:30am and didn’t get back to bed until 4am. Almost forgot to brush my teeth before leaving the house and decided I’d just spot wash the bratwurst grease off of my pants from the night before- I wasn’t in the mood to wear a dress.
Because it’s always a great idea to walk outside in 14 degree weather with a wet spot on your pants.
…but I made sure to wash my pants AFTER I started my car so I could slip right in and be toasty warm.
Anyways, here’s some of my morning commute inner dialog that will probably be way more amusing to me than you:
“What is that tiny black moving blob?! Oh! It’s a dog”.
“…and now there’s a cat to the left joining the fray. This just got interesting”.
“I bet the dog is headed toward the road to chase the cat. DO NOT HIT EITHER OF THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE PAYING ZERO ATTENTION TO THE FACT I AM DRIVING A MURDER MACHINE DOWN THE ROAD!”
Seriously. They both acted completely oblivious.
Five seconds later after passing the dog and keeping an eye out for the cat:
“OMG IT’S A TRASH PANDA!!! Aww! I haven’t seen one of those in forever! LOOK AT ITS CUTE LITTLE MASK FACE!”
I then wondered if the dog and raccoon ended up in a heated battle for control of the road, or perhaps the trash cans that were nearby. Would both of them survive?! Or would rabies be exchanged?!
(UPDATE: I didn’t see any tiny dead bodies on the road when I drove back through. I can confirm the dog is fine– I saw him the next day. I’m going to assume the trash panda is alive and well because there wasn’t blood. I like to be optimistic and pretend sometimes nature isn’t as brutal as National Geographic makes it out to be. I’m still traumatized after watching the walruses fall to their deaths, so give me this).
Thanks, Nat Geo
Somehow on the drive, I ended up with this closer:
“…I think my underwear is close to the size of Grandma Flora’s in that one picture I love of her. I mean, I’m pretty sure they’re about as wide”.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
But mostly okay. If a big ass is the price I pay for never going hungry and enjoying introverted sit down hobbies, so be it. HAND ME ANOTHER TACO!
In case you’re wondering about that picture: